At the risk of being very sappy and nostalgic, I like to take a few minutes to look back and remember the time of Owen's birth around his birthday. I did this last year...and it was so very good...so fun...and life giving for me to remember the goodness God has shown to us in the form of Owen.
We stand on the verge of having a two year old little boy...and it seems like yesterday..and I really mean YESTERDAY that we brought him home.
I don't mean to brag or sound arrogant, but I have the. best. kid. ever. I know. You are saying...No Kim...you are ridiculous and wrong..."I have the best kid ever". Well, you can think that all you want...but God actually gave the best to us. :-) ha ha. Ok. I'm just kidding. Of course we all think that our kids are the best, and I'm certainly no different. So...Owen's birth and his life has changed the person that I am. I hope and pray that God has used his life to make me better...more loving, more sympathetic, more compassionate...more like Christ. I know I don't walk this road well everyday, but I know that Owen has evoked something in me to want to be better...and I can only hope and pray to live that out.
This time two years ago I was being sent home after a failed induction. That's right. A FAILED induction. Who in the heck does that ever happen to! This means that any efforts modern medicine had been used to try and induce labor....had failed. I was blindly agreeable to being induced because my blood pressure was slightly high. It didn't cross my mind to think that this might not be the best route...I just let my OB make the decision for me. Geesh. Lesson learned. I was never dialated, effaced nor had I had a single contraction on my own. HELLO KIM. This means your body is NOT READY to have a baby. I didn't get it. I went back several days later after my body continued to NOT progress on its own to be induced for the second time. Right. I'm a slow learner. Still...nothing happened, but this time my OB broke my water when i was at finger tip...so I was comitted! I'll spare you the details, but I was never...and I really mean NEVER in any sort of active labor. I was pumped full of pitocin and dialated at an excruciatingly slow pace to which my OB was certain that Owen's birth would end up in a cesearan. It didn't. By some miracle, God allowed my body to finally get into the groove of things and somehow...somehow...I made it to ten centimeters by the following morning, and Owen was born around 6:oo AM after nearly three hours of pushing. He was coming out of the birth canal SIDEWAYS (ouch)....but once he was out...none of the frustrations, complications, pain (!) mattered one single tiny bit. I was waiting to hear if the life inside of me was a boy or girl...and I finally got one of the single most amazing moments of my life when Owen was pulled from my body and I heard my husband tearfully say..."Its a boy"! I will never, ever ever ever EVER forget that moment or the joy that knowing that my boy was here for as long as I live. It didn't matter to me who he was...a boy or girl...gender just didn't matter, but in the hours that followed, I fell seriously head over heels in love with my sweet, sweet baby boy. Owen Matthew Brown. His name is still something that I love to say. We loved Owen because it was not exactly traditional, but also not trendy...it wouldn't be so popular that he would have five other Owen's in his class. Matthew is Owen's Uncle Caleb's middle name, and we were happy to add a family name to celebrate our new son.
Owen was an easy, peasy baby. The only thing hard about his infancy was breastfeeding. He didn't want to do it. I tried for four months. I visited every lactation consultant at Clarian North Medical Center and tried as many techniques as I could possibly come across. I just couldn't fix it. I went back to work at four months and instead of continuing to have a nervous break down about Owen's weight, my milk supply and the fact that I was having no success at feeding my baby the way I wanted to...I gave it up and switched to formula. I hated myself for a long time. I'm much better today and plan to try again with any other babies that God chooses to give me. Lesson learned? I can't always have things my way. I was determined to breastfed. It didn't work. I'm human and I can't control everything. God wins. (You would think I would know that by now, but I'm hard headed).
I don't remember Owen ever just crying to cry. He was easily satisfied and slept through the night at 4 months (or the second I stopped starving him and his belly was full on formula :-)) Owen was smiley, happy, gorgeous....the absolute love of our lives...which he remains to this day. I wasn't prepared for how fast the time would go. I mean...I've blinked and he is two. I want to freeze time.....why can't we do that again? God...can you please give me this magical power? I'll use it wisely, I promise!
Today I have an adorable, ball- loving, Veggie Tale - watching, blankie holding, banana eating, heart-grabbing, surfer-boy look alike :-).... TODDLER. His personality often often stops me in my tracks and make me realize what an amazing combination of Josh and I he really is. He is sensitive like me, but he tries so hard to be brave (he often diverts his eyes and bites his lower lip to keep from crying...that is SO ME), and he is all boy athleticism just like his daddy. Seriously. We have about 10 balls in our house and he is almost always playing with one of them. Josh didn't even try to get him interested in sports. Maybe it has something to do with us spending three months of our lives at a soccer field, but Owen can run and kick a ball at the same time, and he knows how to throw a soccer ball "in" like he's seen the boys on Josh's team do. He also loves to "shoot" his basketball, and he calls footballs "ball-balls". Could it be that we have a true athlete on our hands? He certainly didn't get it from me! He is truly a kind child....while playing with other kids, he (albeit reluctantly) shares toys and I've never seen him take anything away from someone (although I do realize that this really could still develop :-)). I would say that Owen is a fast learner...he picks up on things quickly, and when he is disobedient I know I am right in punishing him because he absolutely KNOWS what he is doing. Spanking him is absolute torture though. Every time I have to do it I tell myself that I just have to....because I don't want him to be a "little criminal". He's far too doted upon and spoiled that I've known that we would have to be absolutely consistent and firm with discipline...because its all too likely to go to his head...and then I can't imagine the kind of rebellious teenage heart-throb I would be dealing with!
Well, this post is really getting out of hand, and there will be birthday pictures to post soon. We are planning a smaller family-friends party at our house this year. His cake will be decorated like a surfboard and he's getting his big boy surfer comforter and sheets (for his new big boy bed) from Josh and I, and Grandma and Grandpa Barnard. I will end by wiping the tears from my eyes, and blessing God for the priceless gift he has given to Josh and I in Owen. We are undeserving, ill equipped and so far from being perfect parents. BUT thank YOU JESUS for giving us this precious life. He is not ours...but YOURS. We pray every day that you will write your name on his little heart and claim him as your own.
The End.
