Stuff in my head...

First, I have to say we are getting ready for our firstborn's birthday party. I'm having a hard time comprehending that he is turning FOUR. FOUR?!!? How did this happen? Motherhood is so bittersweet for me. I love watching my children grow and experience and learn...but I literally feel like the time is slipping through my hands like sand. I mean, I physically want to grab on to it and STOP TIME. I've found that having a second baby is interesting because I have a better understanding of the truth that he will not stay a baby. I mean, intellectually I knew that when Owen was a baby, but I didn't quite understand that the infant I held in my arms would soon be a three year old crazy (but super lovable) person :) And now that I've experienced it, I literally ACHE to keep Wes little. At the same time I look forward to the new stages. Its such a conflict. I'm not sure I was prepared for these emotions when I became a mother...but here they are. And I must enjoy each moment for what it is and try so hard not to focus on how fleeting these days are. Ugh. Its so hard. I would have a thousand babies, but that wouldn't solve the problem. They will all grow up.....they wouldn't be mine to snuggle forever even if I had 17. And, no worries...no part of me wants 17 children. You know what I mean :)

Our house is still for sale. We have had a few showings and no offers. I'm completely peaceful about this. Completely. It drives my husband crazy. I'm happy to move if the opportunity presents itself, but God has me wholeheartedly content and peaceful in knowing that He will move us if we are to move...and if we aren't...then here we stay. Like I said before, staying here forever was NEVER the plan. I know what my neighborhood has become. I really do have a grasp on that. It makes me sad, it frustrates me but God has brought me to this really cool place where I just honestly believe that we are completely covered in grace and protection And, I've really been convicted that we have to be prepared for a "no" answer. I think there are a lot of things in life that we think we have figured out. It doesn't make sense to us that God would want us to stay here. It doesn't add up that with the way our neighborhood has gone down the tubes that raising our boys here is the best answer. But, I've seen God work through crazier situations than this. And, I've seen Him say NO to things that I couldn't believe he was clearly saying "no" to. He is really speaking to me through all of this....trust. Wait. Be still. Hold on. Listen for me. Move when I move you. Coming through this "we want to move and get out of HERE" process is so much more about honoring God with our character than physically moving. To close this section I've written about moving...I will say, "Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief!" (Mark 9:24) :)

I've been reading One Thousand Gifts, (who isn't, right? :))...and man. Its one of those books that is going to change my life. There are a few books that have done this for me. "Redeming Love" (Francine Rivers) was one of them, "Disappointment with God" (Yancey) was another and this one is proving to be just as powerful. I'm only now getting into the main crux (chapter 5), but reading through how she came to this process of gratitude has been super eye opening for me. "Eucharisteo", gratitude/thanksgiving linking us to salvation, and so much more---whew. Powerful stuff. Without a doubt, I recommend that you pick up a copy and start reading today! I'm excited to start making my list. Also, Ann Voskamp has a blog...I've just starting following. Love it. Check it out : www.aholyexperience.com.

Thats about all :) Just had some stuff floating around in my heart that I wanted to put in writing. Looking forward to Easter and celebrating Jesus death and resurrection. So absolutely grateful for what this means in my life!

Grateful for two precious sleeping boys tonight. A warm, cozy home. Bills that are paid. A husband who is becoming ever more sensitive to the Holy Spirit and God's timing...and learning to rest in that. Thank you Jesus :) We are so completely blessed.